Crazy Jihadist Trading Board

In light of Derrick Shareef, who planned "to trade a set of stereo speakers for four grenades and a handgun", before getting busted by an undercover. I have decided to open this blog up for a trading board. I'll start. I have a slightly used disposable razor I would trade for a RPG (rocket propelled grenade). Leave a comment as to what you would trade for.

Global Warming Hearings

Washington, D.C. "Ok Dr. Logicus, you're saying there is not a problem with global warming, is that correct?" "Yes, Senator." "And what proof do you offer?" "If you look at the weather trends over the last 200 years..." "I don't know anything about weather trends doctor, if you really are one, but the weather channel has a show about it. Are you claiming you know more than TV?" "Well. Yes. I guess if you put it that way. Anyways. If we go back the last few thousand years, we see we are actually coming out of a mini ice age." "So you're saying there were mammoths a few years ago? What are you a creationist?" "No, I am saying an ice age? No mammoths." "Well which is it?" "Let's move on, Senator" "Fine then, what about all the devastating hurricanes this year because of global warming?" "What hurricanes? There where no devastating hurricanes! The season was extremely calm!" "They predicted hurricanes, are you saying they didn't happen? And what about the articles on DailyKOS describing the fact that the earths temperature has risen 480 degrees since the start of the War in Iraq due to gas guzzling republicans, the jews, and stolen elections in 2000?" "I really have no idea what you are talking about, Senator." "And YOU claim to be the expert? You're dismissed Doktor. Next I call Nancy Pelosi as the expert to prove global warming. Speaker Pelosi what do you have to say?" "Did you ever see the movie 'The Day After Tomorrow'?" "Good point. I believe this proves global warming is, in fact, a crisis. Perhaps, just perhaps, Al Gore will jump in his plane and fly around the world as many times as it takes for him to come up with a solution. Until then, we need to raise taxes and impeach Bush. These hearings are closed." Meanwhile, in the blogosphere... 123beta He has an open trackback weekend, which means you trackback to him then he trackbacks to you, then I think there is some cuddling and maybe a cigarette, anyways, hopefully it means more traffic for everyone. I'll add these as I get time today. Or if you have a suggestion, trackback or comment. I will add you to todays list.

Friday Catblogging - TWEEK!

Bending to the will of my public (yes I heard you mom). I will step momentarily away from my biting commentary on the world's state of affairs and bring you TWEEK! This very large cat seems the perfect companion for a family of three. He is soft. He sheds continuously. He lets us know when its OK to approach him. He draws blood when necessary to keep us mere humans in line. He spits up hairballs on will. And he can rub his butt on the carpet better than any dog I know. But behind these cat-erific abilities there lies a dark secret. See if you can find the problem. Leave a comment and let me know what you think it is. I will reveal the answer and start the saga of TWEEK! next week.

65 years later...

In a newly draperied cave, the demoncrats meet... "So what do we do about this Pearl Harbor issue?" asks Murtha, "I say we cut and run before our ignorant military rapes anymore people." "John, that happened 65 years ago." answers Nancy. "Yeah, it was those damn jews." Jimmy said. "Now listen President Carter, we invited you here simply because, well, we felt sorry for you. So please sit in the corner with Kerry and SHUT UP." "Yeah, I but we could get more seats if we fought against this damn Pearl Harbor business." hiccuped Ted. "Look Ted we didn't even invite you here, why are you here?" questioned Nancy. "The Stoli said it would be important." "Fine, we all agree to cut and run from Pearl Harbor, can we get back to business now?"... Meanwhile in the blogosphere... Bad Example explains lurking and why you should post a comment (hint hint) IMAO explains the cost of blogging (hint hint) Basil's Blog is blogrolling or rolling the blog (hint hint) BlameBush! explains the true meaning behind December 7th, in his own special way. Bob McCarty adds Murtha to his politician warning label list, a very good idea if you ask me. Anyone else have something interesting happening, let me know and I'll add you. And a special thank you to our armed forces for everything they HAVE done and sacrificed and for everything they ARE doing and sacrificing.

A liberal choose your own adventure.

After the sweeping liberal victory in the 2006 mid-term elections, the powers that be sat down to discuss exactly how they were going to lead the country. They discussed the diferent options available to them. They discussed the different charges they had been given by those who voted for them. They discussed what would be best for America and the American people. The came up with three ideas for their first move and unable to decide themselves, they came and asked you what would be your first move, and then they.... If you said your first move would be to stop the war in Iraq then go HERE... If you said your first move would be to stop illegal immigration then go HERE... If you said your first move would be to stop corruption in Washington then go HERE...

New Posts

Sorry for the delay folks. But after the election results really kicked in, I found myself completely disinterested in governmental matters. Almost as disinterested as the republicans for the last few years (drum roll please.) My new therapist says that the blogging seems to help my anger issues, unfortunately this was after my old therapist told me that I needed to get over it as we could use the money we were spending in Iraq to help plant more trees. So after a few days for assault, a higher dosage and a new therapist. I once again bring you KP Cubed.

Your Donations Help Support KP Cubed

The first 100 hours - government by redeployment

Redeploy the troops out of Iraq (to the civilian field). Redeploy the taxpayers rebates (get rid of ALL rebates). Redeploy the economy (tax everyone into not spending). Redeploy the wealth (make everyone lower class). Redeploy the health field (socialized medecine, forcing people to go out of country to get treatment). Redeploy the illegal aliens (make them all citizens). Redeploy the constitution (give the power to the courts). Redeploy the President (impeachment, impeachment, impeachment). Redeploy the UN (let them vote on any laws for us). Redeploy Israel (JOOS, JOOS, JOOS). Redeploy Hugo Chavez (let him know he is right about Bush in a letter of apology). Redeploy North Korea (send more basketballs). Redeploy security (make it a crime to search an arab, build back the wall between the agencies, continue to deny that they hate us because of their religion not our actions). Redeploy the environment (stop all drilling anywhere, forcing us into more dependence on the countries that hate us). Redeploy religion (make any religion, except Islam, illegal). Redeploy the babies (make abortions mandatory). Redeploy the prisoners (make slaps on the wrist mandatory, before sending them back out). Redeploy education (get rid of all private schools and home schools). Redeploy the will of the people (do whatever we want). Redeploy the country (make sure the rest of the world finally hates us as much as we do).

Election Day - 12:01am

12:01 am 11-7-2006... In pachouili filled rooms around the country, an unnatural screech starts to leave the lips of all the KOS kids. The screaming starts to get louder and louder, killing the silence of the night. With one voice the brain-washed (though un-washed) masses of baby liberals shout, "CHEATERS!!!!!CHEATERS!!!!!" Meanwhile in a blood soaked room somwhere in the liberal northwest... Pelosi, Dean, Murtha, Kerry and Reid step out of the pentagram drawn on the floor. "Well that should get the vote out." Pelosi said. "You know I don't remeber having to actually kill someone last time.", said Kerry. "We just added that for fun," said Dean ,"IAHHHAAAIIAHAHHH" Meanwhile in offices across the country... Lawyers open up the envelopes they had been given only a day after the last elections. Inside they find who they are supposed to sue and why. They start the paperwork to contest the elections anywhere the democrats lose. To be continued....

Where are they now- The Saturday before election

“AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” Ted woke up in an alcoholic sweat. “Where am I? What’s going on?” “It’s OK.” said a full bottle of Jack Daniel’s. “You’re with friends now.” “But there was water everywhere, I was running. Where’s my friend Jose?” “Not to worry,” said Jack, “everything will be swept away. You finished with Jose last night, but I am here now.” Ted pulled Jack closer and quickly swallowed him. The pleasant numbness started to take hold. “OK. Who do I need to call to clean up what?” “Don’t worry. We took care of that last night.” Said a small bottle of Bailey’s Ted had not noticed before. "Right now we need to make a call." "Who are we calling?" "A certain anti-devil in South America." Meanwhile back on the Gore invented super highway… MAF54: So what are you wearing? TEDH73: Uhhh. A suit. MAF54: I bet you look great in it. TEDH73: I guess. You know I am not gay. MAF54: I know, me either. TEDH73: I thought you already admitted you where gay? MAF54: Oh yeah. But it is because a preist touched me when I was young. Are you a priest? TEDH73: I am the president of the Evangelicals. MAF54: MMMMM. That sound’s hot. TEDH73: I guess. Sooooo…Can you get meth? MAF54: Maybe….What’s it worth to you? TEDH73: Well I like massages… Meanwhile back in the Afghanistan cave… “So we have all our people voting democrat in the states”, said the man with the long beard and dialysis machine. “Good…Good. Then I think we have a deal. We will have the troops cut and, I mean redeployed as soon as we take office.” Nancy said with a grin. “Great. That sounds good. But I do have one question. Isn’t the President in control of foreign affairs, and isn’t he the one who decides on the troop placement as he is the top commander. So even though you are running on a ‘pull the troops out’ campaign, you have very little say in what actually happens in Iraq? That’s the constitution and all.” “Look Lambada,” screamed Harry,”I have a state sponsored education and I have no idea what you are talking about constitution this and constitution that, but if we win then we win something or other. And then people no we are right. Trust me I know a lot about real estate.” Meanwhile back in the closet... "Theresa, can I come out yet. I have a new joke. Knock, Knock. Who's there. Our troops are idiots. See. See. That plainly shows how I feel about George." Theresa just shook her head and added another bolt to the door. TO BE CONTINUED… Read or Die... IMAO - A painful learning sensation.

Where are they now?

Somewhere in a super secret liberal bunker in a Taliban controlled mountain of Afghanistan… “So when do we come out of hiding Nancy?” “That’s Speaker to you Harry, and it will have to be after the 7th now. What with Kerry opening his big horse mouth about our hatred of the troops. I knew we should have drugged him and brought him here until after the election” “But he only said what all of us believe about the troops.” Nancy quickly slapped him across the face, “Dammit Harry. How many times do I have to tell you. We cannot let the people know our true plans.” Harry slid further back into the cave, whimpering and hoping their neighbors, the nice folks with the long beards named Obama – Osama – Alabama, something like that, would arrive, at least Nancy didn’t hit him when they where around. Meanwhile back in the states… “You have been a very bad boy John! How many times have I told you to follow the script the UN gives you? When I found you, you where nothing but an anti-American hippie, and I…I almost made you president. You know how many packets of ketchup a presidency costs?” John stamped his foot 3 times at Theresa. “Why do I even bother?” Theresa took John and led him to his closet until after the elections. Meanwhile at the Kennedy compound… The bottles where talking to him again. But even worse he had started talking back to them. “It’s OK, Teddy. We don’t need those Russian spies anyways”, said the bottle of Stoli in his right hand. “No, we can rule everything once you allow the immigrants two votes for every one those republicans get”, replied the bottle of Cuervo. “I know, I know guys.” Teddy slowly and lovingly brought both bottles to his mouth and drank deeply of their liquid warmth. “I love you guys so much.” “We love you too”, both bottles said in unison. “You know what you need,” said the half empty bottle of Tanqueray on the table next to him, “A nice long drive.” “That’s a great idea”, replied the Dewar’s, “I know where you black book is, maybe we can invite a girl along.” “Can we drive across bridges?”, asked Teddy starting to get excited now. To be continued... Reading Material: Right Truth - One of my favorite blogs. She said nice things about my story too. Thank you. My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy - Where's Nancy? The Drudge Report - Where is Pelosi? CNS News - Kennedy works with KGB. IMAO - Just cause it's funny. Basil's Blog - Cause he always let's me trackback to him. Thanks Basil. Conservative Cat - Very cool sidebar with new stories. 123 Beta - It's an OPEN TRACKBACK WEEKEND. Take advantage. Send me a trackback and I'll add you to the list. It's an "I am not working today" friday. So keep me busy.