The APOLOGY

My fellow frenchman, er, socialists, er, UN masters, er, military nincompoops, er, Americans. I am sincerely sorry the fascist republicans are too stupid to understand my elite speak, and they are purposely spewing there hate speech to try and take your mind off the real issues which is raising taxes and handing over our security to the UN, er, I mean the war in Iraq. It shows just what a moron our president is when he doesn't realize he is being made fun of, it almost takes the searing white hot rage I feel toward him away. I also want to apologize to the KOS kids who are the only ones able to understand my deep and very funny humour. After toking from their bongs of enlightenment, they can be heard laughing and giggling for hours at everything I say. They should not have to grow up in a world where I am ever called to answer for my comments. The idea that I called the troops in Iraq stupid is simply a Rovian attempt to twist my words of truth and peace. Just like when I called the troops in Iraq terrorists towards poor women and children. Or that time during Vietnam when I called the American troops murderers, rapists, pigs that chopped the ears off innocent babies and sacrificed virgins before the altar of Bush, who even at that time was misinterpreting what I said to make his failed policy in Vietnam look better. Or the time I said an all voluntary military would be filled with nothing but poor black and brown people was somehow thought to be disparaging. Although mostly by chinks, spics, niggers and other pseudo-Americans. Of course, this would not have been such a big deal if the republican blogobots had not taken their marching orders from the Bush Junta. For example, Michelle Malkin (who I am pretty sure is nothing more than a child of a military rape victim) jumped on the bandwagon, demanding I apologize to the uneducated masses who are murdering innocents in Iraq. Or that Little Green Footballs place that seems to think that somehow he is above the press and has a right to question pictures put out by the friendly Islamic press corps. Or that Frank J guy at IMAO who wouldn't know a joke if Barney Franks bit him on his shapely ass. They are all in a conspiracy against me just like when they help steal the election in 2004 (which I am completely over, no, really, I am). As for the troops who feel slighted by my remarks, I understand. With your low IQ's and complete lack of education, I can only assume you misunderstood the pictures your trainers drew for you so you could understand my speech. In the future, I will have a translator on hand to explain the intricacies of my big brain. I know deep inside all of you are truly grateful that I finally made the American public aware of your situation as can be seen in this picture sent to me from Iraq. On a side note, I would like to thank our Al Queada friends, who I am sure are responsible for the picture and e-mail as I can't imagine out troops knowing how to use a computer or camera. In closing, I would like to say that noone should ever take anything I say to mean anything other than what I said it meant after I find out what people may think about it. Also, if I ever say anyone else is stupid I simply mean in relation to me, the smartest man whoever lives. Thank you for your time and may Allah bless you. Sen. John (I married a rich woman) Kerry PS. I am only doing this in written form so the troops won't know about it as they don't read. ALSO READ: Right Truth - Kerry Not So Smart IMAO - Because you should read it everyday, somedays twice. Michelle Malkin - A good summation. Liberaterian Leanings - Kerry Apologizes Something...and Half of Something - The defining moment for 2006 Insolublog - Straight from the Horse's Mouth Radioactive Liberty - John Kerry Supports the War not the Troops Black Five - John Forbes Kerry - Still An Asshat - Apology Issued